My whole life I have struggled with pain. Not knowing what was wrong always made it harder and I felt like I needed to suck it up. Years and years and several doctors and a self-diagnosis later I found out I have endometriosis. With this diagnosis I was told that having children would be very hard for my husband and I and if we were to ever get pregnant that we should know that a miscarriage was a bigger risk for us. This was hard to take in but knowing made it easier for me, so I thought.
Two surgeries later we received devastating news. News that crushed my heart in a way I didn’t think possible. I was told that my tubes were 100% blocked, so blocked that they could not even get saline through them. He said at this point there is no way for you to have children of your own unless we wanted to try IVF or find a surrogate. It took several days of my husband and my mom telling me this for me to grasp it and when I did I was crushed. My husband and I would take turns breaking down. I was his rock when he needed and he was mine when I needed, it wasn’t a perfect solution but it was the only thing that we could do till my two week check up to find out more from the doctor.
Two weeks came and went and the doctor then told me that my body was not producing periods nor was it releasing eggs because of the blockage. The monthly “periods” I was having were actually an estrogen release. My body would know it needed to start but couldn’t so the estrogen would build and build till it released causing me to have a period like reaction so to speak. He informed me that a “period” like this is way more painful than a normal period let alone a period for someone with endometriosis.
He informed me that the blockage went into my uterus and that my uterus and that I would need to go through another procedure to find out where the blockage was starting and why my uterus was not working as it should. In the mean time I had been doing research on IVF and Adoption to occupy my mind while still trying to process everything.
While trying to process everything that had happened I was in the process of throwing my sister in law a baby shower. Talk about crushing, but I was happy for her, she was getting to be a mom. Something I wanted so badly. But after that I needed a break, I went to STL to visit my parents for the weekend and just relax. Take a time out from life I guess you could say. I didn’t feel good most of the trip, just crampy and tired, so so tired. I never take naps and all I wanted to do was sleep. I just assumed I had too much going on and I was finally “relaxing” so maybe that’s why I was tired. Just before I headed home we celebrated mother’s day and my dad’s birthday taking in some beautiful views which was just what I needed, it had been a very long 5 weeks emotionally and physically. Little did I know my whole world was going to flip upside down in the most unexpected way.